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Joke of the Day
"Burglar gently waking me... ""you live like this?"""
Next Joke
"Look grandma. You told me to bring something to the wake. If you meant a casserole, you should have said so. Now help me load this drum kit."
"What is the most pirated movie ever? Arrrrrrrgo"
"So sex workers ever post anything that's nsfw?"
"Sometimes to take a break from frightening election news, I watch something far less horrifying like 'The Shining' or 'Silence of the Lambs'"
"Before you start your artisanal candle business ask yourself: does the world need one more lychee-scented soy candle? Or even one?"
"what is the stupidest animal in the jungle? The polar bear"
"""What are the names of the 3 greatest kings who have brought more happiness and peace into people's lives than anything else?"" Answer: Smo-KING, drin-KING, and fuc-KING !"
"Instead of a tweet up, I think all the twitter crushes should get together for a weekend in the mountains You know... A Couples Retweet"
"What food is given to ebola patients? Pizza because it can be slipped under the door."