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Joke of the Day

"I work at a pharmaceutical research lab, and we managed to kill a rat with marijuana today. To be fair, it took around 20 lbs of it and we had to drop it on him a few times."

"What's the worst part about eating a vegetable? Taking her out of the wheelchair and putting her into bed."

"Air Bud trembles in fear after the opposing team drapes a basketball jersey over a vacuum cleaner and puts it on their starting lineup."

"I'm just a girl, sitting in her car, wondering what the person I texted ""I'm in the cat"" to, is thinking right now."

"How does the Addidas executive work through the night? Three lines"

"The funniest part of being put under with nitrous at the dentist is getting home to find your underwear on backwards."

"My girlfreind says I'm an idiot who can't do anything right. So I packed her bags and left."

"I'm trying to make out with my gf tonight without sucess. Any activity subjection? Not movies."

"During movies when characters go underwater, I hold my breath and see if I could've survived that situation... I almost died in _Finding Nemo_"

"Beats by Dre is such a huge success that I think he should start a sunglasses line. 50 Shades of Dre."