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Joke of the Day

"I'm sorry that I gave your baby a wine cooler. I forgot that I superglued a mustache on him earlier and thought he was of legal age."

"What's the difference between Jelly and Jam? I can't Jelly my dick in an ass."

"Planters will be distributing exclusively to airlines. That's just plane nuts."

"What's the difference between a woman in the bath and a woman at church? Well... the woman at church has hope in her soul."

"How do you know if your girlfriend is ticklish? You give her a test-tickle."

"How many women have you slept with wife asked husband, ""How many women have you slept with?"" he proudly replied, ""Only you, Darling. With all the others I was awake."""

"Elderly woman ahead of me at Subway is paying for her lunch with nickels and now I don't even give a shit about health care reform."

"What rock group has four guys and no singers? Mt. Rushmore! Happy presidents day! http://i.imgur.com/N8LF0HU.png"

"[gets exhausted after having sex for five minutes] ""Go on without me"""

"Teacher: Paul. Give me a sentence beginning with ""I"". Paul: I is the... Teacher: No, Paul . You must say ""I am"" not ""I is."" Paul: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."