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Joke of the Day

"The phrase 'lazy asshole' is an oxymoron... Because an asshole gets shit done."

"Jews spell their god's name ""YHWH"" ... ... because they're too cheap to 'buy a vowel'."

"Monster energy drink bumper stickers--because you can't give your truck an eyebrow piercing."

"Friends are like snow when you pee on them, they disappear."

"What happens when a linguist gets sick? Plosive diarrhea"

"What's the best way to capitalize on an opportunity? ON AN OPPORTUNITY"

"She said she needed her space and time.. Why didn't she ask for her velocity then?!"

"Why should you never let a non-metal drive a train? Because they're poor conductors! (I know they're called Engineers but cut me some slack, I thought of this in the 9th grade.)"

"How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? Pick it up and suck its dick..."

"You know peanuts can kill a person! Well, they are nuts, after all!"