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Joke of the Day
"You know peanuts can kill a person! Well, they are nuts, after all!"
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"Hey, guy who contacts Batman with a spot light in the sky, pretty sure you can just text him now, it is 2012."
"What 6 inches goes to your mouth? Toothbrush...you dirty bastard"
"What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? Any place without a drive-up window."
"Do you know why there are no jokes about the Jonestown Massacre? The punchline is too long."
"Dear White People, Stop making videos of yourselves singing songs from 'Frozen'!"
"Why was 6 afraid of 11? Because 11 snaps people's necks with her mind."
"Just saw a car with ""Just Married"" on the back window. Do people still do that? Get married, I mean.."
"*montage of me teaching a penguin to do everything my son Brian can do* Wife: Where's Brian? Me: [studying her closely] He's... right here?"
"I didn't want to believe that my Dad was being accused of stealing from his job as a road worker, but when I got home all the signs were there."