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Joke of the Day

"Monster energy drink bumper stickers--because you can't give your truck an eyebrow piercing."

"I have controversial opinions and I don't give a shit what anyone thinks! (Refreshes eight times to see faves and retweets)"

"Serious question: If you walked into a store and saw an alien holding a bag of 12 butterflies would you play it cool or leave?"

"You're IQ's lower than your shoe size."

"Some days, I wish I had a button to restore myself to my original factory settings"

"Fight club but just dueling neighbor's aggressively leaf blowing leaves onto each other's lawns."

"Why couldn't the Italian get into his house? Because he had gnocchi."

"This milk is so far past its expiration date that I'm only going to have a small slice."

"What do you call a white man flying a plane? Clive, usually."

"I'm 34 and live with my mom. Just kidding... ... I'm 33."