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Joke of the Day

"I'm getting old, The only way I can screw a woman... Is to borrow money from her and not pay her back. (Credit given to my friend. i'm not that clever.)"

"Who would win a football game between the 1989 Raiders and a team full of U2 lead singers? Bonos."

"She once called me bae so I had to baeurry her in my backyard.."

"What do you tell a girl with 2 black eyes? NSFW Nothing! You already told that bitch twice."

"I remember how the folks on food stamps cost our country trillions by selling bets on bad mortgages to suckers. Glad they're being punished!"

"Why doesn't Gandalf dress as a pimp for Halloween? So people do not take him as a conjurer of cheap tricks."

"canadian bacon is just like regular bacon but with health insurance and a passion for hockey."

"My wife is a sex object. I ask for sex, she objects."

"Why do I love putting down kids without parents? Cause endorphins make me feel good."

"What is the difference between Jedward and a vacuum cleaner? A vacuum cleaner only sucks when you turn it on."