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Joke of the Day

"you may have noticed my signature fedora, my signature has a little fedora drawn on it to look like it is wearing one"

"England are to have a new captain next week. His name is Roger Smith and he's the pilot for the flight home."

"a horse walks into a bar A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""why the long face""? The horse says, ""I have cancer""."

"I told my math teacher I was freezing cold and he told me to go stand in the corner of the classroom. Because it was 90 degrees."

"I am against animal testing because there is nothing crueler than forcing a living creature to smell like Axe Body Spray."

"How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't know, that's a good question."

"What did the skeptical turd say to the conspiracy theorist asshole? You're shitting me, right?"

"[Mesozoic era] God: if u can't spell ur name you're going extinct Jellyfish: seems fair Pterodactyl: [to Brachiosaurus] this is bullshit"

"Three statisticians are hunting when they see a rabbit. The first one shoots and misses him on the left. The second shoots and misses him on the right. The third one shouts, ""We've hit it!"""

"I am dressed in all grey and a man also dressed in all grey just stared at me and for a second I got very nervous that he thought I was him"