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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4-year old child? Eric Clapton never would have let his bag of coke fall out a 53rd-story window!"

"How to Avoid Condom Accident The Perfect System To Avoid Condom Accident, Use Double Condom With Chilly Powder In Between, If Outer Breaks She Will Know , If Inner Breaks U Will Know."

"Why did the Mexican fail English class? Because he refused to turn in his essays"

"If I wear a wizard hat and robe to my cousin's wedding this weekend, I bet no one asks me if I'm next."

"I don't ""take"" weed because weed ""took"" my best friend & trapeze partner Corton from me when we were 17. #ImissYouBrother #SwingWithJesus"

"Who him? Oh that's just jimmy, I pay him to follow me around and inter- *saxophone solo* INTERRUPT MY SENTENCES WITH SAXOPHONE SOLOS."

"I was kidnapped by mad scientist who experimented on me, replacing my limbs with animal ones. If I ever see him again I'll tear him apart with my bear hands."

"*Tears off break away pants as I approach the breakfast buffet*"

"""Say no to Lindsay Lohan."" - drugs."

"What did the grand chess master say to the recovering alcoholic after he beat him in a game of chess? I was 12 steps ahead of you from the beginning!"