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Joke of the Day

"What did the grand chess master say to the recovering alcoholic after he beat him in a game of chess? I was 12 steps ahead of you from the beginning!"

"nurse: ""if youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half"" me: [visibly confused] wife: ""the grapes keith not the baby"""

"I left my adderall in my Ford Fiesta. Now it's a Ford Focus."

"[1st date] date: ...you said you had abs me: [squints] everyone has abdominal muscles, Susan"

"There was a guy at the basketball court He tried to make a shot in the fog. He mist."

"Shortest Joke I've Ever Heard; Dwarf shortage."

"I'm telling you to go to hell because I'm poor. If I was rich I would kill you."

"*gets caught breaking into used car lot* *desperately attempts to blend in with inflatable arm flailing tube men*"

"Micky Mouse is in divorce court The judge says, ""So you, uh, want to divorce your wife because she's crazy?"" And Mickey says, ""Um, no, I think what you heard me say is that she's fucking Goofy!"""

"How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They just beat the room for being black."