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Joke of the Day

"I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there."

"Two goldfish are in a tank... One said, ""you man the guns, and I'll drive""."

"are those elderberries? [camera pans over to reveal a bunch of berries struggling to use the internet]"

"What's it like to work in customer service/retail? Imagine there's a race of people called customers. Now imagine you're a huge racist."

"What's the loudest thing in the last two Harry Potter films? Deaf Lee's ""HELLO!"""

"Bruce Willis marks his height on his bedroom wall. He started doing it 2 years ago & it's just an increasingly thick line at the same height"

"I bought 37 self-help books today... I just couldn't help myself."

"[job interview] ""Tell me a strength."" I'm a decision maker. ""Excellent. How about a weakness?"" I'm a bad decision maker."

"What is the most racist house chore? Laundry, because you have to sort the whites from the colors."

"Why I Could Never Be Gay As A Man. NSFW I could never fuck something i respect."