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Joke of the Day

"When your parents held you as a baby for the first time, they secretly hoped you'd end up arguing with strangers on a celebrity's Instagram."

"Waiter there's a fly in my soup! Don't worry sir the spider on the breadroll will get 'em."

"Lois : Clark, are those binoculars? Clark Kent : Yes, I can't find my glasses. Lois : Put them down for a second. Clark : Lois : Clark : No"

"If you could have one super power what would it be? Cold War Russia."

"If women are people, why are they so stupid? Seriously. Even the smartest and most accomplished women are dumber than the most retarded head lice."

"Mr whippy was found dead today with a flake up his ass, chocolate sprinkles on his penis and strawberry sauce on his bollocks. Police think he topped himself."

"Send your hate mail to me. How many black guys does it take to screw a lightbulb? You cant count them when its dark"

"I once raised a roof, and now that he's all grown up he never writes or calls."

"I don't get why there's so many signs around saying ""Free Wi-Fi."" I mean, I've never seen, or for that matter heard of, any Wi-Fi in captivity!"

"Jesse James married my sister. He's know my brother out-law"