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Joke of the Day

"I like to finish everyone's drinks at parties and then call them out for being drunks."

"If you think that there's nothing that can make your plants stay alive... Watering can"

"Got kicked out of the grocery store. Apparently yelling ""LET THE BEETS DROP!"" And throwing them at the ground is not acceptable."

"Several people dancing around a pen... What is the movie name? Independence Day"

"Did you know diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your genes"

"Why did the gold fish cross the road? To go to /r/antijokes"

"My black pants had more cat hair on them after they came out of the dryer. Guess I should check the dryer for cats before I start it."

"Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in."

"My cousin found his dad's Viagra, took a handful of the pills, and is now in the hospital... ...with third-degree burns on both of his hands."

"I love Halloween. Its the only time I can wear my KKK outfit and get away with it."