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Joke of the Day

"I'm gonna name my daughter Retarded So I can say yes whenever someone asks me if I am fucking retarded"

"I saw some beautiful women. Sometimes it makes me sad though and I almost don't want to start the chainsaw."

"Damn girl, are you sandpaper? Because I want you to rub my wood."

"Anyone know how long we are supposed to ""Shake It Off""? Taylor never specified and frankly I'm exhausted!"

"So, when I wear my phone clipped to my belt & a fanny pack, I'm a douche.nnBatman does it & it's a bad-ass utility belt. nnnDouble standard."

"I used to have black friends. Until my dad sold them all."

"what do you call a clan of barbarians you cant see? invisigoths"

"I managed to lose 245lbs of unsightly flesh... Divorced the wife."

"What do you call an awkward questioner? I don't KNOW, that's why I **asked** you. God."

"It's not sex until you walk away with a nose bleed, and the Eye Of The Tiger song is still playing in your head."