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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in? They had to pay the jockey overtime!"

"Countries.. We used to have empires ruled by emperors. We used to have kingdoms ruled by kings. Now we have countries."

"why do comedians always ask such strange questions? because they're telling jokes"

"today I matched speeds with a car on the highway so I could make eye contact with a dog in the backseat"

"So a pregnant patient came in to the hospital after a 'huge gush of fluid'... So I asked if el nino or la nina was coming."

"I asked my sister how her blind date went ""Oh it was terrible"" she said, ""He showed up in a 1948 Rolls-Royce."" ""So what's so bad about *that*?"" I asked. Apparently he was the original owner."

"It's not fair how many boring things my nephew gets out of going to simply by shitting his pants."

"I'm so tired I could sleep a horse"

"""It's not you, it's me."" - Humidity, to Heat"

"What does the sign say on an out-of-business brothel? Beat it, we're closed."