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Joke of the Day

"So a pregnant patient came in to the hospital after a 'huge gush of fluid'... So I asked if el nino or la nina was coming."

"I ran three miles today. Finally I said, ""Lady take your purse."""

"If I was married to you, I would put poison in your tea If I was married to you, madame, I would drink it"

"How do you make someone holy? You beat the hell out of them"

"""Someone called me a butterface today! Is that bad?"" ""Well it's *half* a compliment."""

"Why did the chicken cross the road? CluckBait."

"My ex got drunk and left me at a bar so I called the police and reported a drunk driver.. #topahole"

"Chuck Norris was kicked off the show ""Extreme Couponing"" the producers couldn't stand watching entire grocery chains file bankruptcy because of Chuck Norris."

"Wanna hear a joke? ""Why did the chicken cross the road?"" ""Why?"" ""To get to the house of the ugliest human on the planet. Wanna hear another joke? Knock-knock...."" ""Who's there?"" ""Buc-buc-bucaaaaaw!"""

"Be careful what batteries you use. My GF uses Energizer batteries and her kid keeps going and going."