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Joke of the Day

"""It's not you, it's me."" - Humidity, to Heat"

"Apparently, changing your profile to ""Flirty, dirty and a little squirty"" gets you kicked out of Christian Mingle."

"This is Bob.. Bob has no hands. -*Knock, knock* -Whos there? -Not Bob!"

"Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants."

"My husband really loves our new couch. In fact, he loves it so much he called me his exwife's name just so he could sleep on it."

"What is the difference between a teacher and a train? The teacher says, "" SPIT OUT THAT GUM!"" but a train says, "" CHOO CHOO"""

"If you were a basketball, could I drive you, and lay you up?"

"Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won't be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that's what's been missing."

"Theres no 'u' in family. Look, what Im trying to tell you is that youre adopted."

"Why were Democrats in the lead early on? Republicans weren't off of work yet."