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Joke of the Day

"It's not fair how many boring things my nephew gets out of going to simply by shitting his pants."

"You guys have no idea how much pressure there is to be funny, for free, with absolutely no obligation, on the Internet all the damn time."

"I spilled a whole case of forks today..... ...you could say I forked up real bad"

"I, for one... is a roman numeral."

"If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you is all I need... Not all this, ""How the fuck did you get in my house?!"" nonsense."

"Why couldn't the joke walk? It was lame. (I think this is an original by me)"

"I slept with a supermodel last night Alternative facts."

"North Korea's ability to go through with its threats are as poor as the punchline of this joke."

"I'm white, but not cage free range eggs in my quinoa-kale quiche for my gluten, lactose, and peanut free Sunday brunch white."

"Hillary and Bernie walk into a bar... Hillary says that she shouldn't buy the drinks because she is Hillary. Bernie says that the drinks should be free for everyone. America dies."