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Joke of the Day

"""if theres a spicy brown mustard, why not a spicy brown ketchup?"" The wise man smiled. ""my friend, the condiment you seek is Barbecue Sauce"""

"You'd think 'The Terminator' would know what to do in the event of some lady having a child that threatens your way of life."

"A man comes home early from work and finds his wife and his best friend in bed. The man throws up his hands in disbelief and says ""My God Pete !!! I more-or-less 'have to' but YOU ???"""

"Q: How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry? A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top she's old enough. If it isn't cut the barrel down a bit."

"[At Last Supper] *Jesus raises bread* This is my body *raises wine* & my blood *pulls out 8 of Clubs* & this is your card *Apostles go nuts*"

"[first date] HER: You smell so good. What are you wearing? ME: *nodding and sniffing myself* Mashed potatoes with gravy."

"You should argue with your wife only when she's not around."

"After taking a bunch of 7-year-olds on a field trip to the Natural History Museum, I realized their favorite exhibit was ""Elevator Buttons."""

"If Trump becomes president, I would really like to see how Republicans are going to defend him for doing the same thing Obama did: Nothing."

"Amazing Farmer I met an amazing farmer today, he was out standing in his field.."