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Joke of the Day

"I used to think I could control ducks with my mind but it turns out ducks & I just have very similar ideas about what stuff ducks should do"

"What's the difference between cider and apple juice? My wife doesn't let me cum in apple juice :-("

"What do you do when you see a spaceman? You park in it, man."

"Worry not confederate flag supporters! You may have lost the battle... But you haven't lost the w- oh right."

"*watching a scary movie* 7 y/o daughter: They're just people in masks, right Dad? *blankets pulled over my head* ""Sure, if you say so"""

"Give a woman a compliment, she'll smile for a day.. Teach a woman to fish for compliments & she'll be annoying for the rest of her life."

"What did the Chinese food say to the patron? ""Please, don't eat me! I'm Egg Foo Yung to die!"""

"Having friends is like having a Porsche... I'd really like to have a Porsche."

"Why don't Junior League debutantes like group sex? Too many Thank You notes to write."

"I gave an elderly hare viagra but it died I guess old rabbits die hard"