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Joke of the Day

"There should be a self-destruct button for when someone catches you taking a picture of yourself."

"Bad news. I just held a test strip in my Twitter stream, and it turns out you're all pregnant."

"The problem with political jokes is that they get elected."

"What does the shy little pebble wish for? To be a little Bolder."

"I haven't got a Twitter account, so I just carry around a megaphone to announce what I'm doing at random times. So far I've got 3 followers but I think 2 are cops."

"I walked in on my roommate jerking it He got mad and told me to put it away"

"Why did the hipster complain about winter in July? He wanted to do it before it was cool."

"Why don't auto repair shops fix golf carts? Because they work with parts for cars, not carts for pars."

"Well... cats clean themselves... and we *are* out of toilet paper..."

"I had sex in a hall of mirrors. I was fucking beside myself."