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Joke of the Day
"I had sex in a hall of mirrors. I was fucking beside myself."
Next Joke
"If horse jockeys have to be tiny just imagine how small disk jockeys have to be. I'll see myself out."
"The Irishman's dilemma. Do you eat the potatoes now or do you let them ferment so you can drink them later?"
"What do you get when you mix alcohol with literature? Tequila Mockingbird!"
"I'm sorry I can't go out tonight because of the internet."
"WHAT'S WITH THE MIXED SIGNALS DUDE? YOU TURN THE LIGHTS OFF & MOVE IN CLOSE BUT WHEN I KISS YOU YOURE LIKE WHOA IM JUST DOING YOUR EYE EXAM?"
"A haunted house, but just with a bunch of mall kiosk guys chasing you with face cream"
"Would you like a havarti sandwich? No thank you, havarti got a sandwich! *rim shot*"
"Dad: Remember when I told you Santa wasnt real Me: Yea Dad: There's one more thing Me: Don't say it Dad: Retirement Me: *sobs uncontrollably"
"it's so crazy to think that, before the internet, real celebrities had to tattoo the little blue checkmark on their faces"