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Joke of the Day

"Me: Forgive me father I have sinned Priest: Get out of my house M: But it's a big sin P: *sigh* Speak child M: I broke into your house"

"A German woman is walking down the street. Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her. She screams ''Nein! Nein!'' So two guys walk away."

"What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party? No one moved. They couldn't stir without her."

"What did Mario tell his girlfriend when he broke up with her? ...It's not a you, it's a me, Mario!"

"Whenever my mum tells me to budget wisely, I remind her that she spent 80 on a dog coat. And we don't even have a dog."

"A black shape emerges from your attic; all you can see are claws. You've made $4000 in 30 minutes working from home, but at what cost?"

"Hey ladies, if you don't want me staring at your tattoos, maybe you should lock your front door before showering."

"There was a U2 cover band playing at a bar last night... I hate to say it, but they were even better than the real thing."

"Me: Why am I still single? Brain: You're weird as shit. Body:You're fat. Face:You're pretty ugly. Food: Don't worry babe, I'm here for you."

"It's summer. We're young. Let's sneak into someone else's pool and skinnydip. If we get caught, we stab them and assume their identities."