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Joke of the Day

"Don't forget to get offended today by some retarded shit that has absolutely no bearing on your life whatsoever."

"Sergeant Miller! Yes sir? I didn't see you at the camouflage training yesterday! Thank you sir!"

"What do you call a redneck orgy? A family reunion."

"Children give terrible gifts because they're poor."

"How are genders like the twin towers? There used to be two of them but now everyone gets offended if you talk about it."

"The shoulder belt retractor suddenly locked up this morning and now everyone in my car pool knows my safe word."

"Q: Why do marble statues look so mean? A: They have hearts of stone."

"When the river runs red... Take the dirt road."

"My family's invaded my house for the weekend. As a side note my dog's been walked 18 times"

"What do you call the act of press-ganging someone into a monastery? Force of habit."