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Joke of the Day

"I dunked on my brother one summer, like, 20 yrs ago, on the adjustable hoop in the driveway, & I still think about it roughly twice a week."

"I ran a marathon! 1 mile a day for 26 days boo ya."

"What does every clean nose have? Fingerprints."

"Why would anyone want to remove their laser hair?"

"Why don't midgets smoke weed? Because they can't get high."

"friend: Are you eating a whole frozen pizza by yourself? me: It was on sale for $4 friend: I wasnt asking because I thought it was expensive"

"Your mother is so big that... ...when she is in a plane it makes a solar eclipse."

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the S'mores of Pop-Tarts, it was the Unfrosted Strawberry of Pop-Tarts."

"Why can't I be rubied or diamonded. NOOO. I had to be jaded."

"How is the American public now like Socrates? By November, they will have both picked their poison."