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Joke of the Day

"What do my wife and a chest freezer have in common? The exterior is hot, but its cold as ice inside."

"Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog."

"Girls and square roots have one thing in common... If they are under 13, do 'em in your head."

"What do you call a ghost chicken? A poultry-geist!"

"""I bet all those murders are done by that hooded guy whose always running around rooftops w 17 weapons on him.""-Nobody in Assassin's Creed"

"Elephants Did you know an elephant's sexual organs are in its feet? if they step you, you're fucked!"

"Why did Jimmy get into a horrific car accident? He let God take the wheel Edit: *Jesus.* He let *Jesus* take the wheel"

"Parenting: 1st kid: Document their every move 2nd kid: forget to pick them up 99% of the time"

"Why look something up on Google when you can ask the question on Facebook and let everyone know you're an idiot?"

"A bird just got trapped in our wind chimes and made the next Bon Iver record."