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Joke of the Day

"How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it."

"What do ya call an overweight Scottish pigeon .... A fat coo... Im here all week."

"[knocking at the door] VOICE OUTSIDE: Open up this is the fashion police! ME: [furiously flushing bandanas down the toilet] JUST A SECOND"

"During wartime, the Philippine flag is flipped upside down so the red part is on top The same thing is done with the French flag, but instead they remove the red and blue colors"

"My grandma was visiting and placed her pills in my cupboard... I asked her, Grandma have you seen the pills I have marked with the letters LSD? She said, No, have you seen that dragon in the kitchen?"

"I tried to get a guy over to fix my window screen but we couldn't get our times to mesh."

"I was so tired during Hunger Games, I was nodding as much as Phillip Seymour Hoffman"

"[leaving HS reunion w/ date] Aren't you going to ask why everybody was calling me 'smelly boy' tonight? ""Seemed pretty clear I thought"""

"A jew girl's doctor tricked her into having sex with him. Hesadic was good for her."

"If I wanted to drive my wife insane, I'd secretly raise a colony of bees & place one new bee inside of her car each morning for ten years."