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Joke of the Day

"What did Jonathan Ross say after breaking in to a large kitchen to steal some utensils? It was worth the whisk"

"I'm trying this Paleo lifestyle where I live in constant fear and die at the age of 28"

"You hear about those robbers who steal shoes for fun? It's how they get their kicks."

"My friend's been dating Tim Howard She told me he's a keeper."

"My mother-in-law's coming,,,,, I had to clear out half my closet so she has a place to hang upside down and sleep"

"When the instructions say so easy a child could do it, I assume you mean one of those genius 12-year-olds who double major at MIT."

"When I first got my puppy I called him Barky Bark. Now he's grown up, so he's just Bark Wahlberg."

"*throws caution to the wind* *blows right back into face*"

"The harder you slam the door walking out on an argument ...the more likely you have to go back inside for your car keys."

"I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty, and sexy. I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age?!"