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Joke of the Day

"You don't love me? Don't worry, the first step is denial."

"How do you get an anorexic to gain 25 pounds? Marry her."

"If Captain America doesn't have a pizza hidden behind his shield at all times, he isn't fighting for the America I want to live in."

"What did the pony say to the doctor when he had a sore throat? I'm a little hoarse."

"Be nice to people because you never know when you'll a need character witness."

"What does a Men's Rights activist call a broken hand? Celibacy. (Edit: LOL! Seems I've ""triggered"" some folks with broken hands and fedora collections.)"

"Why did the woman take her third aborted fetus to see the priest on Sunday? Half Life 3 Confirmed!"

"""Nope, there is no i in team."" -Pat Sajak, accidentally giving away the puzzle"

"I like to knock on random doors and say, ""Hi, my name is Current Resident and I understand you're the bastard that's been opening my mail."""

"I'm almost positive that angrily staring at the pile of dirty laundry won't fix things, but it's worth a shot."