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Joke of the Day

"""Did you know Yemen is the most mentioned country in everyday speech?"" Person 2: ""Really?"" Me: ""Yeah, man."""

"Roses are red, so is my wine. Refill my glass and I'll be just fine."

"[Exchanging gifts at family's house] *family opens up my gifts -uh, a history book? Your Facebook post suggested that you needed it."

"Knock knock. ""Who's there?"" Christopher Walken. ""Christopher Walken who?"" Christopher Walken and then walk out after his weird cameo."

"African American Letters. They are all blackmail."

"I got a new car for my wife I thought it was a great trade."

"Wild horses could definitely drag me away. Tame horses could too. A slightly muscular hamster probably could drag me away at this point."

"My mom took my phone when I wasn't paying attention She said ""honey have you been watching porn?"" ""N-no mom why would you say that?"" I asked petrified. ""Because your search history is blank""."

"What do you get when you cross a snake with a plane? A boeing constrictor"

"How does a woman take care of her asshole? She packs him a lunch and sends him to work."