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Joke of the Day

"When I was getting my prostate exam, I asked the Doctor where I should put my pants.. ""Over there, beside mine"" wasn't the answer I was expecting."

"My girlfriend gave me a handjob yesterday... and told me ""My God, your penis is huge!"" I replied, ""You're pulling my leg!"""

"Apple and Google are both working on self driving cars. Personally I don't think I want to ride in a car without Windows."

"""Hey! I don't remember all those CGI space-dudes at the reception!""--George Lucas's wife re-watching their old wedding vids."

"UPCOMING JESUS APPERANCES 8/3 Pancake, Norfolk, VA 8/10 Cheeto, Salem, OR 8/19 Window stain, Orem, UT 8/23 Vegemite Jar, Perth, AU"

"Being an adult is mostly pretending to like wine and saying ""the economy"" a lot."

"How do you tell if someone has an std? Oh shit wrong sub-reddit."

"What happened to Han when Chewie wouldn't do the marathon? He Ran Solo..."

"I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don't have great childing skills either."

"War is never the answer. Unless the question is ""What's never the answer?"""