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Joke of the Day

"I think I'm emotionally constipated ...I haven't given a shit in days. (my daughter told me this just now new to me, hope it's new to you too)"

"For my new tattoo, I'm totally getting a chest piece of a chess piece, cause its fun to be a pun."

"Trump isn't bad for the economy. Because of him, Correct the Record increased it's operational budget by 600%."

"I had a really funny joke, but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime."

"Wife asked me to get ""bath stuff"" for xmas. Hope she likes her toaster."

"Remember, Christmas isn't about how big your tree is, or what's under it. It's about who's around it."

"Mexican magician to audience: I'll disappear on the count of three. ""Unos"", ""Dos"", *poof* They disappeared without a tres."

"why did the cyclops close his school because he only had one pupil"

"Hello! Is this the police ? POLICE: Yes! What's Ur emergency??! MAN: Two girls are fighting over me! POLICE: What's wrong with that??! MAN: The ugly one is winning.... Hurry!!!"

"Megan and chicken Knock, knock? Who's there? Megan and chicken Megan and chicken who? He's megan a list and chicken it twice, he's gonna find out who's naughty and nice..."