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Joke of the Day

"If you're not cheating on me, then why won't you let me install surveillance cameras in your house."

"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two! But don't ask me how they got inside there."

"""Babe there's something I've always wanted to do.."" *tenderly moves her bangs away from her eyes then scotch tapes them to her forehead*"

"I just had hip replacement surgery It's a really new procedure; you've probably never heard of it."

"Now let me tell you a joke about a hair dryer... ... nah nevermind. It blows."

"""My cat just got ran over"" You cant end a sentence with a preposition ""My cat just got ran over lol"""

"Documentaries must provide 90% of the employment for violin players."

"What did they bilingual foot model say as he enjoyed chips and warm bread by the fireplace? ""Tengo toasty toes, toast y toes, y Tostitos."" My friend just posted this to Facebook :)"

"""What do you do for a living?"" ""I'm an organ trafficker."" ""Oh my God, do you have no heart?"" ""Are you criticizing me or making an order?"""

"How do you top a car? Tep on the brake, tupid!"