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Joke of the Day

"2 atoms of helium acting funny ~ HeHe"

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"""You're so cold, I wished you would just disappear!"" His temperature then dropped to 0 Kelvin and he disappeared"
"I was eating an orange this morning, but it tasted funny... so I put it back in the crayon box!"
"What are snails trying to do? Their best"
"HELLACIOUS Why'd the lawyer go to Heaven? Hell was full."
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away... Too bad we all can't be asthmatics!"
"Vodka isn't the answer to my problems but its worth a shot"
"Reasons why i never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don't have iPhone. 2) I don't have a girlfriend."
"Why does the mushroom always get invited to the party? Because he was a fungi"
"Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick? A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining."