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Joke of the Day

"I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark."

"My family and I are going camping for Memorial Weekend. I asked my mother if I could bring my trombone so I can practice, but she said no, because we might get ***banned.***"

"A friend just texted me & asked for relationship advice. That's like asking the pope to name all the members of Slipknot."

"What car does the Loch Ness Monster drive? A Ford F-tree-fiddy"

"If you think about it, malls are really just bazaar."

"I've been alive for 25 years, only a fraction of a second compared to the age of the universe but still measureable. Unlike your mom."

"He who stands on a toilet is high on pot."

"Coworker: Do you ever think about work at home? Me: I don't even think about work at work."

"Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents? Elephanta Claus !"

"[Little bit racist] why do New Zealanders... Have insomnia? Because every time they start counting sheep they get too horny to sleep."