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Joke of the Day

"A friend just texted me & asked for relationship advice. That's like asking the pope to name all the members of Slipknot."

"Sometimes when people text me ""K"", I like to text them ""L- omg you next!!"""

"I'm always caught between a rock and someone I want to throw it at."

"Why did the librarian hush the mime? Because actions speak louder than words."

"The Clippers are gonna be bought by the former CEO of Microsoft. Apparently he's looking for something to occupy himself while Windows is installing ""critical updates."""

"My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex... I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came."

"Earlier today at a coffee shop, I spilled my drink all over the paper I was working on. The barista looked over and said, ""Well, essay chai tea happens."""

"What did the buffalo say before sending his son off to college? Bison."

"What do hippies call there sex life before they get married? Prius"

"Mountains aren't just funny.... They're hill-areas!"