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Joke of the Day

"What did the leper say to the hooker? Keep the tip"

"If TV has taught us anything, it's not to get on a boat with a man we have just started dating, for it is there that he will murder us"

"Why doesn't Santa Claus have any children? Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, its down the chimney."

"A group of Germans walk into a BAR... after 20 rounds there are no survivors."

"Teacher: How much is half of 8 Pupil: Up and down or across ? Teacher: What do you mean ? Pupil: Wellup and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0"

"I can finish The Times' crossword in under five minutes but I struggle to eat the whole paper"

"What do you call a nut that eats other nuts? A pecan-nibal! Made this up at work while hungry."

"What do you call a redneck girl who can run faster than her brothers? A virgin."

"What do you do when you drop your favorite ska record? PICK IT UP, PICK IT UP, PICK IT UP, PICK IT UP!"

"mailman: ahhh nothing quite like returning home from a long day delivering m- [gets attacked by his own dog]"