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Joke of the Day

"Dude that's not a tire swing its a warning to other tires that trespass in my yard"

"What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 60 pounds."

"I'm in a band called Duvet. We're a cover band."

"Want followers? Tweet something funny. Can't think of anything? Tweet something honest. Can't say anything honest or funny? Try Facebook."

"Ever had sex so good... That you told your wife when you got home?"

"Dating someone based only on looks is so shallow. Consider other things, like, do they have a lot of money."

"Twitter is the ideal medium for people who think of something clever to say five minutes after the opportunity has passed."

"Get your shit together, people at McDonald's drive thru who sit there all confused like the menu hasn't been the same for the last 50 years"

"I've been diagnosed with chronic fear of giants; Feefiphobia."

"usain bolt, the fastest man in the world, can run almost 30mph. that means if were to run in a neighborhood, he could get pulled over by the cops...for being black."