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Joke of the Day

"usain bolt, the fastest man in the world, can run almost 30mph. that means if were to run in a neighborhood, he could get pulled over by the cops...for being black."

"Me: You wanna have sex tonight? GF: I'm not in the mood babe. Me: Hold on a second. I'm on the phone."

"Will no one rid me of this turbulent poodle?"

"you think there'd be a word for 'sleeping bag' that isn't a placeholder description of what it is"

"What lies on the bottom of the ocean and shakes? A nervous wreck."

"My Zombie Friend was getting fat. So his doctor put him on a diet. It was a no-brainer."

""" I made my famous dip for the office party"" You're a regular Abe Lincoln. ""But he wasn't a chef"" Exactly"

"Maybe I forgot to text back. Maybe it's Maybelline."

"What do you call a woman who pleasures herself with Vegetables? Mrs Hawking"

"Hi I'm an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door."