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Joke of the Day

"One day a guy named Matt banged a waitress and nine months later a mattress was born haha just messin around on this website."

"What do you get when you mix a dog and a tulip? A collieflower"

"If you're going to ride my ass at least pull my hair and make me scream!"

"What's the most difficult instrument for a percussionist to play? a conundrum"

"""The car that was driving slow in front of me turned, I better drive fast now so the cars behind me don't think It was my fault."" Everyone"

"One day I'll cure blindness. You'll see! You'll all see!"

"Elton John was asked if he'd like an iceberg lettuce in his salad he thought for a moment and replied ""no thanks, I'm a rocket man"""

"Emperor Sleepoleon, we urge you to change your name to appear less lazy to your people. Oui, I shall dial it back, BUT ONLY SLIGHTLY"

"A pirate walks into a bar... And orders a bottle of rum. The bar tender says that will be 10 dollars. The pirate replies, ""Do you accept Barrrr Nickels???"""

"I really hate being bipolar... ...it's great!"