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Joke of the Day

"The 3-year-old just held up some paper and said: ""Daddy, I'm reading the newspaper!"" Kids love dinosaurs."

"[bank robbery] ""Todd, where the hell is the getaway car?"" TODD: *zooming up on a Segway* FOSSIL FUELS ARE RUINING THIS PLANET, GARY"

"Floaters What do you call that which barks during the day and floats during the night ? - Your grandma's jaws"

"What is the scariest part of a cavity search? When they put both their hands on your shoulders but keep searching"

"Kim Kardashian was robbed of her jewellry in Paris. The robbers had a tip off that she had lots of booty."

"Just got a belly piercing. It's a mistletoe, I don't want any confusion on where I want your lips this Christmas."

"Why are soldiers always so tired on April 1st? Because they have just finished a 31 day March."

"Just found out I've been eating women's energy bars for the past few months. No side effects except making 30% less money than I used to"

"What's the most popular pickup line at a gay bar? ""Hey, can I push your stool in?"""

"One time I ordered a diet coke but it didn't come on time. It said it had responsibilities in the Japanese government."