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Joke of the Day

"Just got a belly piercing. It's a mistletoe, I don't want any confusion on where I want your lips this Christmas."

"Why do people have sex when they go camping? Because it's fucking in tents!"

"I like my scotch like I like my women.. 12 and single."

"Just ate two bacon cheeseburgers, so if anyone wants to come rob me, I won't be getting up."

"Why do baked goods always have an urge for sex? Because they're in heat."

"My pooch found a great TV show for us to watch Dogter Who"

"I WANT TO LIVE! Patient:""Docter, I have only 30 seconds to live!"" Doctor:""I'll be with you in a minute."""

"I hear my local school wants to introduce massage classes to help combat stress but there's been a lot of opposition from parents' groups. Apparently, it's a very touchy subject."

"If quitters never win and winners never quit, what fool came up with, ""Quit while your ahead""?!"

"What do you call a psychic midget on the run from the law? A small medium at large!!"