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Joke of the Day

"A guy walks into a bar. .. He's in critical condition."

"I got a new book and I can't seem to put it down. That's the problem with slathering one's hands with rubber cement before touching things."

"A $7 voucher at the airport is like having 100 skeeball tickets at Chuck E Cheese: it sounds good on paper but won't get you anything decent"

"Grammar died so that Twitter could live."

"What do you call it when you are looking for your Subaru Forrester in a parking garage? Finding Forrester"

"When my wife sends me to the grocery store solo with a specific list I am not allowed to improvise. That was made clear when I got home."

"Three part joke Why did the kid fall out of the tree? I shot him Why did the second kid fall out? I stapled them together Why did the third kid fall out? Peer pressure"

"How do you starve a black guy? Hide his food stamps under his work boots."

"[Dinner with GF's parents] Thank you for having me over, can I use the bathroom? ""MAY I use the bathroom"" *slams fists down* I ASKED FIRST"

"What's Harley Quinn's favourite rap group? Insane Clown Pussy."