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Joke of the Day

"When my wife sends me to the grocery store solo with a specific list I am not allowed to improvise. That was made clear when I got home."

"A female friend of mine recently got Tinder. Tinder: Where ""Get laid tonight"" isn't just something you see on pornsite banner ads."

"'God didn't create Adam and Winston', Says Tenn. Republican Does that mean Adam and Steve have broken up?!"

"How do Chinese people laugh? LMAO ZEDONG!"

"Sometimes I think I should try to be a better person, but then I remember I'm good-looking, so I'm, like, nah."

"Politics have really just become an emotional beauty pageant But you know... Women's Rights"

"It'd be fun to watch screaming monkeys throw poop at each other today, but it's too cold in DC for the zoo. And Congress is out of session."

"To the guy in a wheelchair that stole my phone You can hide but you can't run"

"A British engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan. He is making land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing well. He says prophets are through the roof."

"What do you call a room full of men watching the Super Bowl on a big screen TV? The Patriots"