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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess... So I hired paparazzi to follow her and she died in a car accident."

"How can you tell if someone's a Vegan? Don't worry... they'll tell you."

"I hate it when people make eye puns... It really makes me *lash* out sometimes"

"I overheard a guy complaining angrily about the NSA tracking him Some people are so annoying when they have a chip on their shoulder."

"How do you go about picking up a nice Jewish girl? With a broom and a dustpan."

"I hate people who take drugs... ...such as the police and customs officers."

"Mexican Magician There was a Mexican Magician standing on the stage. He said, ""On the count of three, I will make myself disappear!"" ""Uno!"" ""Dos!"" POOF! He disappeared without a tres!"

"A woman was accused of attacking her husband with several guitars. When she got in front of the judge he asked, ""first offender?"" She replied, ""No. First a Gibson, second a Fender."""

"Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. Better yet, dress for jobs that don't even exist. Werewolf psychiatrist. Clown assassin."

"Santa has blue balls 364 days out of the year.. He only comes once a year"