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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus."

"Told my daughter I was into incest... She's taking it pretty hard..."

"A man went to his doctor... Man: When i press here it hurts, when i press a little bit higher up it hurts and if i press on my leg it also hurts. Doctor: Looks like you broke your index finger."

"How many seconds are in a year? Only 12. One for every month."

"""this wing of the facility is where we do updog research"" ""what's updog"" ""that's what we're trying to determine"""

"Why was the teenage girl fired from her job at the casino? Because SHE JUST CAN'T DEAL"

"I got a new cat from the inner city shelter. So far he seems fine, except for needing to go outside every hour for a cigarette."

"You know it's true love when your wife farts in bed & you go in the other room & text your boyfriend ""I love you."""

"Chicken stock has gone up today, but only by a poultry sum."

"Today is a very special day. The one day a year I can say I have a girl."