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Joke of the Day

"How many seconds are in a year? Only 12. One for every month."

"My big next door neighbour just confronted me about missing items from his washing line. I nearly shit his pants"

"Did you hear about the kid who was born without eyelids? They used his foreskin to make eyelids. The poor little kid is gonna be *cock*eyed the rest of his life."

"I find it insulting that Arby's mascot isn't a pirate bee."

"Why does Dracula have no friends? Because he's a pain in the neck."

"The showerhead and shower curtain are complaining. Curtain says: I really hate having to just hang here all day. Showerhead: At least you dont get turned on everytime you see a naked person!"

"Why did the Romans build straight roads? So Indians couldn't build corner shops."

"Why did the Jews wander in the wilderness for 40 years? Someone dropped a penny."

"Guy is taking a super loud dump in the toy. So I kick in the stall door and yell, ""Fuck you, man who is shitting!"" I kick in the stall door and yell, ""Fuck you, man who is shitting!"""

"What is the drunkest animal in Antarctica? A Pengwine. That's a /u/amanescape original. I can show myself out."