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Joke of the Day

"You know it's true love when your wife farts in bed & you go in the other room & text your boyfriend ""I love you."""

"So anyway, this guy calls a plumber... ""Hey, plumber, I gotta leak in my basement."" Plumber says, ""Go ahead fellow, it's your basement."""

"I should have made a website called www.reallydontfit.com and posted all the pics of fat chicks wearing skinny clothes this weekend. @MaleHonesty86"

"what do you call a young Chinese prostitute ? SUM YUNG HO"

"Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth Then it just becomes a soap opera."

"My wife and I have lost 150 lbs combined!!! The search team are taking longer than expected to get her body back from the river though."

"Surgeon: I need someone to unroll this bandage, stat! Cat nurse, excitedly: I've got this."

"Whenever fat people tell you they are on a diet, it just means they started dabbing their pizza with a napkin to get some of the grease off."

"Made a folder for my Japanese phone apps... I call them Japps."

"What manner of evil contract with the devil must I enter into so I can get eye drops INTO my eyes?"