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Joke of the Day

"I had lunch at Uri Geller's house the other day... It was terrible. I ended up with soup all down my front."

"My girlfriend's not up for being fisted tonight. I guess I'll just put my feet up."

"Why the long face ? A horse walks into a bar. Bartender: why the long face ? Horse: because I'm a raging alcoholic."

"What do you call a fart in a gay bar? A mating call LoL"

"How do werewolves mark their territory? Lycanthropee"

"Would you like something from my Easter basket? ""Sure!"" ""Here. Have some plastic grass."""

"White house What do you call someone in the White House who is honest, ethical, intellectual, law abiding, and truthful? A tourist."

"A fish with one eye... Was swimming along in a lake when he accidentally hit his head on a wall of concrete...and do you know what he said? Dam."

"I was playing snooker with my mate, Dave, down the pub last night. We finished setting the table up and he said to me, ""do you wanna break?"" ""We've haven't even started yet, you lazy cunt!"""

"I bought my girlfriend a new LOTR themed sex toy... ... It's called Dildo Shaggins"