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Joke of the Day

"A couple were french kissing, then the guy looks at the girl and says "" I think I swallowed your gum"" Nah, says the girl, I just have a cold."

"The moon landing was staged and it was shot by Stanley Kubrick, the reason it looks so real is because of Kubrick's obsession with filming on location."

"If I went back in time I'd tell myself... ""Don't wait until 29 to become a stripper. You get to be naked, drunk and get paid for it!"""

"How many online courses are offered by the senior learning center? None. They're old school."

"The saddest thing about trying to find a needle in a haystack is that your horse is hiding a drug habit from you."

"What's the difference between Santa Claus and the Jews? The way they traveled through the chimney."

"I like my beer like i like my violence.. Domestic"

"I got a 100 dollar giftcard to Kmart and now I can't decide which Kmart I want to buy."

"Magician: I need a volunteer. [man stands] Not you. [woman stands] Not you. GARY GET UP HERE! [Gary goes up] We've never met before, right?"

"What do you call a bear with no teeth?? A gummy bear!!!"